i just watched the movie if only for the nth time and even though i know what will happen in the end, it still makes me cry and get sad... i really love that movie and i consider it one of may favorites, since it main lesson was simple yet so powerful and can be very painful if ever it does happen to anyone. sometimes i can relate to it and pray that it wont happen to me coz i don't know if i can go on with my life if that happens to me...

you see i lost him once and i don't want that to happen anymore. i do love him so much. right now i'm still having troubles giving him what he really deserve, like he once told me that sometimes he doesn't feel me, he doesn't feel that i love him. and that hurts coz sometimes it made me think that i'm not worth it for him but then i think or i feel that maybe it's true because for sometime i'm still afraid to trust and love him completely, as in the way that i loved him before.

i'm still afraid to give myself completely to him, i mean i do love him so much it's just that i'm afraid that when i let my self fall for him the same way i did before, he may hurt me again and this time it will be much painful than before, but then i can see the difference from him his eagerness to change but then he was also like that before, i thought he changed but he didn't i was wrong about him. people may ask why did i ever let him to my life again, the answer is simple, from the moment he whispered inmy ear that made me think that he desrve another chance... and so until this moment i have him...

we had ups and downs as all couples do but then that is what makes our relationship stronger but sometimes i hate it when he over reacted because of his anger... when he's jealous of someone and he gets mad at me i'm happy coz it just show that he loves me but then when he over reacted again i just hate it... maybe i'm afraid because of the reason that he can just let go of me anytime and sometimes all the deed that he had done to get me again are slowly fading... i mean before he always take me home but now it is very often that he do it.

watching that movie made me realized how should i just simply love him with out being so afraid that he's gonna hurt me. he deserve that kind of attention to me and i'm just so stupid of not doing those things... i always try hard on something when it comes to him when all i have to do is just simply love him. i don't wanna lose him again and the movie's right, all i have to do is make him feel that i really love him and if ever that happen to us atleast i made him feel loved...

there's a quote in the movie that says "they say that in a relationship there's always somebody who loves more than the other" i don't care if it is me or him but as for me i love him so much and i'll show that to him no matter what...

sometimes when he take me home he sometimes ask me "what if i die on my way back" i always answer him "i'll cry" but the truth is i just don't know what to answer exactly. idon't know what will happen to me if ever that happens, for sure i'll cry but then i don't know afterwards... i just really don't want to lose him unless he done something bad again, then it's the time when i will let him go, coz this is his last chance to me, and this time i really mean it... :P

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finally napanood ka na din sya ng buo hehe!!! super unny naman nung movie and at the same time very touching... :P sobrang idol nman yung guy coz sa pagtiyatiyagan nya para dun sa girl... it's sad lang talaga kc di sya ma remember nung gurl every next day na gigising sya...

eneweiz today is still not a very good day kc pagising ko pa lang eh may bad news na agad na sinabi sa kain ang mama ko at super na bad trip tuloy agad me dahil dun. nakakainis kc hindi na tuloy yung swimming namin dahil mga tokis yung mga kasama ko! gigil! tapos maipilit pa nilang dun na lng daw kela tito glen eh mahigpit nga dunkailangn naka swimsuit ka para naman kaya naming mag swimsuit dun... den sa villa monica na lng daw e ayoko namang mangati noh!!! gigil talaga!!

about him naman maghapon me nahintay ng text at ang napala ko lang eh isang text na balnko at isang text na ang lama eh "sleep na me" oh diba atleast nagtext... hay nako ewan ko ba di ako nakatiis kanina at syempre nag text me ng "bhe paramdam naman u" pero after nun 8 pm na sya nag reply at blanko pa yun... alam ko may kasalanan me pero bakit sya meron di naman ah... ah basta ayoko na lng magsalita... ayoko na ring munag mag isip... gusto ko na lng munang matulog and katulad ng sinasabi ko madalas, it's a new day tom!! mawawala lahat nung naramadaman ko ngayon... :P

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knina ko pang gustong umiyak... di ko alam basta ang bigat lang ng nararamdaman ko, dahil siguro sa nangyari kahapon... knina inask ko sya bkit di nya sinabi sa kin na tinet nya na yun and sabi nya nawala daw sa isip nya... medyo nahurt ako dun sa sinabi nya kc para ngang di nya na ko inisip that time... nahurt talaga ako kc nagseselos me talaga... sana naman naisip nya yun, kahit yun na lng diba...

umiiyak me ngayon dahil din sa nagyari knina... nasermonan nya rin kc ako mali naman cguro talaga ko dun pero para kc sa kin eh biro lng yun and ganun namna talaga ko... pero cguro tama nga sya... ewan ko basta masama loob ko. :(

pagdating ko ng bahay inask ni mama kung hinatid ako ni louie syempre nagcnunagaling ako at cnabi kong oo, hinatid din namna nya talaga me hindi nga lng sa mismong haws... pero ok na yun. pero infairness natakot akong umuwi ng haws knina ha as sobra may mga tambay kasi... pag pasok ko eh di nag bihis na me nasira yung salamin so sabi ko bukas ko na aayusin, eto namang kapatid ko eh super nagalit at pinagsalitaan nanamna ako ng kung ano2...

minsan sobrang naiinis ako dun kc madalas nya kong pagbintangan sa mga bagay na di ko naman talaga ginagawa, napipikon ako sa knya kc once sya na nagsalita lahat na dito sa bahay kampi sa knya, kaya mdalas mas gusto ko talagang mag isa na lng, kasi pag mag isa ka walang mag jujudge sau, walang mangingialam, magagawa mo gusto mo at higit sa lahat walang mananakit sau.... ewan ko basta madalas gusto kong mag isa, nasanay na lng siguro ako kasi bata pa lng naman ako madalas na kong mag isa... madalas nila din kasi nila akong iwan non kaya nasanay na din ako...

pero syempre nagdredream din ako ng me kasama.. yung tipong mag cacare sau ng todo, pasasayahin ka, yung mga tipong ganun para maiba naman, nakakasawa rin kasi kayang umiyak...

pag masama ang loob ko isa lang naman iniisip ko eh pag gising ko bukas wala na to, di ko na mararamdaman ayun lang para maging ok na me... basta ayun lng muna... syempre umiiyak pa rin me.. hanggang sa makatulog na lng me nito...

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nagsisimula na naman syang magsinungaling sa kin, hindi na naman sya honest. napapansin ko lng na madalas na nya tong ginagawa actually and super nakakainis! ayokong mag isip ng masama sa knya pero para kcng bumabalik na yung dati nyang ugali...

grabe hanggang umpisa lang talaga lahat!!! kailangan ko na naman bang sanayin ang sarili ko sa mga ginagawa nya? andito na naman me sa place na to and ayaokong mag isip na ganon na nman ang ginagawa nya... napaka insensitive nya sobra!!! nakakainis!!! di ba kung gusto mong inagatan yung isang bagay di ka gagawa ng kahit ano mag risk para mawala to pero bakit sinisimulan na nman nya??

minsan mas inuuna nya pa yung iba kesa sa akin eh... mas iniisip nya pa yung mga yun kesa sa akin... sabi nya ayaw na daw nya na mag away kami pero bakit sya gumagawa ng mga bagay na alam nyang pwedeng pag simulan ng away namin?

dun sa text issue na yan natigil na yan dati! nakakainis talaga!!! mas binibigyan nya pa ng importante yung iba kesa sa kin samantalang me di nya me matext kung magtetext man gudnyt na or whatsoever nakakainis talaga!!!!

pag ako na naman gumawa nun sobrang big deal sa knya!!! nakakagigil talaga!!!! di ko alam kung na nanadya or what e... sasabihin nya sa kin na wala yun, yung monique na yun eh bakit di nya sinabi na binigay nya na pala yung number nya bakit nya tinago... at sya pa nagtext ha!!! tapos sinabi nya pa na aalis sya para saan naman at sinabi nya yun!!! nakikipagflirt na nga sa kanya yun tapos sya naman di mo malaman kung nakikipag flirt din!!! gigil talaga!!! pag sa kin wala ng load pag yun nag text nakakapag reply!!! ah nakakainis!! ang manhid pa!!! instead na may gawin parang wala lang sa knya at sya pa me ganang magalit sa lagay na yun... actually nagawa na nya yung style na yan sa kin dati eh... tignan lang natin kung uubra pa yun!!!

tapos sasabihin nya madami me pag kukulang para naman sya wala!! ay nako nakakagigil!!! ituloy nya lang talaga yan may kalalagyan sya talaga!!!

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nakakainis... minsan feeling ko la me karapatan magtampo or whatsoever na sya lng dapat yung pwedeng maka feel nun at pag nag ganon ako ako pa yung masama or tanga or ewan.

kakagigil lng talaga! kanina super sinisigawan nya ko nakakahiya sa ibang tao and super nakakadegrade talaga... nakakainis kaya yung ginawa nya knina as in... uunahin nya yung pride at hiya nya den ipapasa naman pala nya sa kin din... nagegets ko naman din yung point nya as in sobrang naiintindihan ko yun pero naman kasi ipasa ba lahat!!! ako pa sinabihan ng iresponsible nakakainis! knina ko pa kaya gustong umiyak... pero mamya na lgn thesis mode muna... tapos sabi tatawag daw sya eh tinetext ko mukang tulog na ata ni di man lng nag gudnyt nkakainis....

basta naiinis ako sobrang nakakainis...

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I've learned a couple of facts that belonged to our past a few hours ago and it's not that good hearing those things. I was hurt and I don't if it is mine or his fault why I'm still feeling those. The reason was really a shallow thing, it's a song, a song that I once treasured and hated. I once treasured it because before he told me it was his song to ME so when we broke up I loathed it! Every lines from that song he told me that he offered it to me and sometimes he even sings it when were together and stuff. But then this afternoon I learned that it wasn't mine, that it belongs to her. I was hurt when I heard that, that even that song was a lie, even that don't belonged to me that time. He said that's when the time they got back together again but it was released a week after I said yes to him...

maybe that was my fault, I kept on claiming things even if it doesn't belong to me, I keep on taking stuff that was originally from her. I really taught it was mine because I believed everything he told me before, as in everything and maybe those are some reasons why I'm hurting. But what really hit me was when he denied that it was mine and it was really from her. The expressions on his face pointing that the song was for her, and it wasn't for me.., that really hurt so bad! I could see his face especially his eyes, it was telling and showing a lot of things... And that's time time when I realized and said to myself, "you're right it was for her, in the past there were only you and her", I on the other hand was on the other side contented with those false affection that you have given me...

during those times when were still separated, I sometimes found myself self wondering what you guys doing, I wonder if your doing to me the things that you have done with her and it hurts to think those things....

when we was in line I see your eyes and it do show a lot of things, one thing that I saw was you are missing her and you even wonder what she's doing now, even if you deny it I did saw it from your eyes, maybe I just can't take her away from you huh?! It sad you know...

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