i'm fading, falling further away, the pain is killing me... he left me hanging again, he left me with the word that is uncertain... i texted him but no reply, he's ignoring me again, the way he used to do whenever we fight... i don't know if this is already reality... i'm not sure... i don't want to believe that this is the end but it seems like it's coming.

i need a word from him, i need to hear it from him, i don't know what he really meant when he said that. i want to hear it from him, hear him say "it's over" if that's what he mean when he texted me a couple of hours ago... i don't wanna let go until i hear him say that i'll wait for his reply... i'll wait until there's nothing left to wait for...

i'm hurting so bad right now and i so want to cry but i'll try not to, i will try to be strong for myself... if ever that this is the end for us i'll accept and let him go without any anger in my heart...

maybe i really deserve this, i always failed whenever he asked me to do something for him but then all i can say is i'm not perfect but then i really do love you... i'm stupid i know but i do love you... i don't wanna lose you again...

when you were back in my life for the third time i was afraid to fully accept you again coz i told myself that when i lose you i don't know if i'm still gonna breathe when you said your goodbyes, but the you whisper in my hear asking me not to leave you, i was glad... but why is this happening to us?? can we just talk about this and try to fix things up??

can you feel my pain? do you remember when you said you would never leave me? can't you see that i'm hurting? i've done so many things that causes you pain and i'm sorry for all those, but if ever goodbye is what you really mean from those words you sent me then can you please pretend for one night that were okay, so that when i wake up the next morning i will still have some hope to go on and carry on...

right now i'm still waiting for your reply... still waiting for the exact meaning of those words, i don;t wanna lose you again but if ever you really wanna leave can you do it slowly?? just enough for me to go on...

i'll wait for you, i love you so much ='(

|

Knina sa jeep gusto ko ng umiyak as in... kaya lng sabi ko ayokong umiyak this time. Nag away na2man kmi as usual ganon na2man sya, dahil sa tanga kong desisyon at dahil nabanggit ko or mas naisip ko nan2man cla, nakakainis sobra sabi nya dati nakakahiyang mag walkout ano ba yung ginawa nya knina? Sabi din nya pag ganon wag habulin pero pag di ko naman sya hinabol sa2bihin din nya later on... "bkit di mo ko hinabol??" Sana man lng pinigilan mo ko! yung mga tipong ganong sagot at isa pa di ko rin naman kc sya din matiis, pero sya kaya nya... and sobrang ang sakit sakit na malaman yun. The fact na kahit kalian pwede at kayang kaya ka nyang iwan, sobrang sakit at nakakatakot. Kaya pag nag aaway kami sobrang natatakot talaga ako. Sobrang nasaktan na2man me knina talaga as in, d way he looks at me bsta...It is just so sad to know na kayang kaya ka nya iwan pero ikaw u're stuck there lng... u do everything u can para magbati kc u don't wanna lose him pero sa knya parang ang dali lng...

Ako ayokong magkahiwlay kami pero every time we fight nasasaktan talaga ako, may mga times pa na pinagtatabuyan nya ko parang pinupush nya me away from him and kapag ganon minsan isa lng talaga na fefeel ko, I'm not worth it para sa knya but them everytime na I going to think of letting him go isa lng ang pumapasok sa isip ko yung cnabi nya sa kin na "wag ko na daw syang iwan" ayoko din naman talagang na syang iwan kc ayaw ko na rin talagang magkahiwalay kami but then pag nag aaway kc kami minsan sobra na din sya talaga...

Minsan ayoko ng magsalita kc pag nagsalita ka sasabihin nya nag rereklamo ako pag di naman ako nag salita pinagsasalita nya ako!! Ang gulo nya pero kahit ganon mahal ko pa rin sya... ako sinusunod ko mga gusto nya pero sya sumasablya na2man. Inaask nya ko kung nag seselos ba ko ke mar... syempre naman may past sila nun e... sobrang ayaw nya pang magpalit ng sim para lng sa babaeng yun! vip! Di ko alam kung gano sya kaimportante dati sa life nya pero iba na ngayon noh! Parang mas mahalaga pa yung girl nay un sa sariling girlfriend nya... nakakainis talaga... lagi nyang sinasabi miss nya ko tapos gusto naman laging umuwi agad! Kung mangulit during class! Hay nako kulit talaga nun!

Basta ayun lng lahat yun... pero kahit ganon sya mahal ka pa rin sya as in xobwa... ayoko ng mawala sya...

|

it is already 1:34 am and me and my firends are still awake trying to finish our thesis documentation and we've been doing it for ages already!!! it is due tomorrow so everyone is working hard just to finish that crap. i'm so tired right now and all i wanna do is to sleep since i still have a class later this day. last night we had a fight again and this time it was really my fault but then thank god that we fixed it up immediately. i really hate it when were fighting coz sometimes he doesn't care and think about what he say or do that sometimes i do really get hurt with those things. but in some part i kinda liked it coz he's showing the real him and i understand it.

my mind is not working anymore so i guess i'm gonna sleep now... still have a big day coming up later so i have to regain my strength!!! :P

|

mah first post, still don't have my own template/skin yet... i'm currently working on it though... eneweiz dis day really suckz!!! i went to school running to avoid being late, i've waited for 10 or 15 minutes in the room looking like a dumb shit until i found out that there's no histo class!!! (thanks to ate mai<-- not sure 'bout d spelling of her name :P) talk to jhes for about 30 minutes in the road until we seperated, coz she's going to galleria to meet with roy... went to the mall to buy a cartrdige and upgrade my memory. i bought the cartridge first then try to look for memory but didn't buy one coz my memory model are so old that they don't have any one availble instead all i got was funny faces coz since it was ages ago and hell with those two rude guys at one shop!!! hate them!!! went to the supermarket to buy stuffs then went home... log in to the net do the usual: firnedster, mail then here...

actually i'm suppose to do my thesis documentation with my partner today but thanks to those people and to what had happen last night, i don't have any guts to show up my face and go there anymore!!! damn!!! i just don't understand why there are some who just don't know the meaning of the word enough and even respect!!! god!!! i'm not a perfect, sometimes i do things that for some is unaaceptable but then i know what those words means and i still know how to respect others... i really hate this day and it really suckz!!!!

|